Loneliness Is A Sign

It’s pretty insane that I’ve now been living in LA for nine months. I mean, what? How? Really?

 

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When I first got to LA, I was scared. My mom and I had just driven over three days and arrived in California. I had only been to California once before and — lol — hated it. I thought it was dirty and overwhelming. I thought it was too hot and WAY too damn crowded. Who would have guessed that four years later I would end up moving here.

My mom and I arrived on a Thursday and on Sunday morning, she left.

I cried, because obviously.

For the first few months, I was pretty lonely. I made a couple of friends through work, but besides that it was just me and my Harry Potter books.

Once I made it through the internship and got hired on, everything got a little more serious. I started to realize that I was making a life here. LA was quickly becoming my home…whether I liked it or not.

And the desire to make friends hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, how does a 23 year old make friends, anyway? It’s not like college where you’re all forced to be together. I had made a couple of acquaintances but no one that I really connected with.

I spent weeks wondering if I was ever going to make friends. I wondered if I was doing something wrong. I spent so much time trying to get other people to like me, that I barely even cared whether or not I liked myself.

Life isn’t about how many people like you. It’s not about how many Instagram likes you get, or how many people like your status. It’s not about being popular.

It’s about how you feel, late at night, when you’re alone. It’s about the way you pick yourself back up when you’ve been broken. It’s about how you treat yourself, and how you treat others. It’s about that feeling you get when you’ve done something good. And it’s about the impact you leave on this earth.

I spend too much time campaigning for popularity. I spend too much time striving for a crowded funeral. I think we all do.

Not everyone is going to like you. In fact, a shit ton of people will dislike you. Maybe even hate you.

Who cares?

At the end of the day, the most important approval to have is your own.

I may not have a lot of friends. Hell, during some parts of my life, I may not have had any. But one thing I have always had is myself.

The hardest approval to gain is your own… but it’s also the most important.

Find yourself before you get lost trying to find anyone else.

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Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.
—  Rupi Kaur

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

 

 

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2 responses to “Loneliness Is A Sign

  1. That is EXACTLY how I feel right now. It’s basically like you took my moving it LA story and put it online. Granted, I’ve only been here for about 3 months, but that feeling of lonlieness is one that I have too. It’s good to see that I’m not the only lonely LA girl. Sometimes it feels like it.

  2. Beautifully said, Laura! I was/still am to a point in your shoes and I know how hard it can be to start a new life, somewhere completely different, away from your friends and family. It’s hard. It’s really hard. Making friends as an adult is almost like dating: I’ve found that you have to put yourself out there, be vulnerable and open but most importantly, you have to be okay in being alone before you can make any of the above happen. You have to “find yourself.” Much love, girl!

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