25 Things I Would Rather Do Than Go On a Blind Date

  1. Eat water chestnuts. I mean, seriously. Gross.
  2. Watch Love It or List It on HGTV. Worst. Show. Ever.
  3. Spend more than 5 minutes on an elliptical. Longer than 5 minutes is essentially torture. Umm, no thanks. I’m bored.
  4. Eat kale. Yeah, cool vitamin C…maybe try not tasting like shit? kale
  5. Drink coffee. BLECH.
  6. Grocery shop. Cool, remember when I had money?
  7. Go to a rap concert. Woof.
  8. Put 15 Altoids in my mouth at once. Bye taste buds.
  9. Spend 8 minutes with Kris Jenner. Ugh, the WORST. kris-jenner-quote-im-excited-cant-you-tell
  10. Clean up horse manure. I’m dramatic. But this seems better.
  11. Hang out with a baby. Crying and pooping and stuff.
  12. Read a dictionary.  Selfie was added.
  13. Get on MySpace. None of you can be in my top 8. top 9
  14. Go to a NASCAR race. Not that into cars and stuff. I know, I know. It’s the atmosphere or whatever.
  15. Visit West Virginia. (Scariest place on earth.)
  16. Go to Wal*Mart better known as hell.
  17. Hang out with congress. nickelback
  18. Be in the same room as Theresa Caputo.
  19. Spend 8 hours at a cricket match. Boooooring. Sorry cricket fans. We all have our vices.
  20. Hand wash a dinner party’s set of dishes. OHHH fun.
  21. Watch a 12 hour marathon of Big Tips Texas. Please stop talking. :( bit tips
  22. Hang out with the children from the AT&T commercials. “What place are you in? Kinda-gartun.”
  23. Teach my grandmother how to use an iPhone. (I freaking love my grandparents, on the real.)
  24. Go ice fishing in the northern most tip of Antarctica.
  25. Take a wheatgrass shot. If you’re thinking about doing this sometime in the future you might as well just find some dirt and grass in your yard and blend it up. It’s the same thing.

 

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