R.I.P To The Girl I Used to Be

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately in an effort to better the person that I am and the type of person I hope to become. I’ve spent hours poring over readings and articles. I’ve been to therapy and tried meditation. I’ve fallen asleep at 7:30 p.m. because meditation is more exhausting than any Insanity workout I’ve ever done. I’ve incorporated more green food into my life and less sugar. I’ve tried so many things to try and get back to the person I was before. This person existed pre- death and pre- illness. This person existed pre-heartbreak and pre-disappointment. But I’ve been doing it all wrong.

Sure, less sugar and more green food will help. Yeah, reading is cool and meditation is pretty baller…if you can master it. But what I really needed was to realize that I’m not a different person now. The old Lara didn’t just run out the door and take off to Australia. She’s still here.

We can’t expect ourselves to stay the same through all of life’s trials and tribulations. In fact, if we did, we would be doing ourselves a disservice. I sometimes forget that I’m not alone in this. I look around me and it seems as if everyone else knows what he or she is doing. They seem to float through life each day with no questioning or backlash. And it seems as if they see the path they are on and they accept that they will keep following it. Yet I find myself stuck between several paths and I’m slowly losing my footing.

But the truth is, we’re all similar in one way or another. We all wake up each day not knowing what the day will bring. We all have to face loss, failure, judgment, success, hurt, and shame. We’ve all experienced that embarrassing moment in one way or another. We’ve all experienced happiness, sadness, anger, and disappointment. And we all probably have a horror story…maybe about our first kiss. Mine was in a bowling alley. I try to forget this, like, every day.

The thing is, everyone has a story. Every single person has a thousand little moments that have caused him or her to be the person that they are today. And every single person will go through a thousand more moments that will shape and form the person that they will become in the future.

So next time you are at the airport or in the mall and you look around and see all the people…remember that we’re not so different. We’re all brought here one way or another with no set path or rules to live by. We’re all just guessing.

And next time you feel yourself evolving…let it happen. Allow yourself to become more compassionate after a loss of a loved one. Allow yourself to talk more openly about your feelings after a breakup. And remember that when you say goodbye to someone, you were a moment in his or her story. Don’t leave a scar.

They say life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

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3 responses to “R.I.P To The Girl I Used to Be

  1. Girl! I’ve been feeling the same way as of late. You know what realized? We’re always changing. Every single moment is different from the last. But the best part, is that it’s freeing. We’re so attached to the idea of who we are when we’re never one thing. We’re everything. I hear you on the green stuff and meditation. Even that you have to take lightly. When I first started to meditate my boyfriend said something to me that has stayed with me in every meditation. Every meditation is a great one. Sure, it’s great to achieve full silence, but sometimes just being amongst your thoughts is enough. Sometimes they just want to be heard so you can let them go. We’ll always evolve into what we need to and you are absolutely right. I just try to remind myself to be present in every moment. I’m so glad I read this. 😊😘

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