“You just can’t make me happy anymore, and she can.”
It was one statement, three years ago. Yet it still greatly affects me to this day.
See that’s the problem with us now- it’s not who we are. It’s what we define ourselves by. And we define ourselves by stories.
The event that happened so long ago- the first serious breakup- was extremely hard to deal with. Most of us are left wondering why. And even if we know why the breakup happened, we ask ourselves why it had to be this way.
To give myself an answer, my mind created a story. It started out with a statement and transformed itself into chapter after chapter all ending with the same conclusion; I am incapable of making someone happy because I am not good enough and others will always be better.
I witness it happening without realizing that it is happening. Years later, when men approach me in a romantic way I back away telling them;
“No, I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?”
“I won’t make you happy.”
We all make up stories. Maybe you’re hesitant to pursue your dream of acting because someone along the way told you it was a dream rooted in failure. Or maybe you’re scared to send your creative pieces to prospective publishers because your eighth grade English teacher told you that you didn’t have a knack for writing.
Whatever it was- you made up a story around it as an explanation for why you can’t now.
These stories become beliefs that we have hardwired into our brains. We tell ourselves they are true so they become true. It becomes an instant reaction. For me, it’s the idea of falling for someone who won’t fall for me back. I was told I wasn’t capable of making someone happy so I created a story that made it to be true.
The breakup was so long ago it’s hard to tell what the cause actually was. Maybe it was the fact that we were both so young and needed to find ourselves before we found each other. Or maybe he really did find someone else. But that doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of making someone happy.
It doesn’t mean I’m incapable of being in love with someone and knowing they’re in love with me, too.
If you have the story in your head that you’ll always be left behind, not talented enough to make it to the top, or too shy to go after your dream, you create situations in which you WILL be left behind. You create a situation in which you AREN’T talented enough to make it. And you create situations in which you ARE too shy to go after your dream.
We have to stop telling ourselves these stories. The more you tell yourself, the more you believe it. And slowly, you fail to notice the people that aren’t leaving you behind. You fail to notice the situations in which your talent is greatly appreciated. And you fail to notice the times when you aren’t considered shy in the least.
Stop creating the stories and start to notice all of the ways you allow the stories to become true.