I wanted you to come back to me so badly. I thought to myself, “someday he will finally realize how much I care.”
It had gotten to a point where I cared more about your happiness than I did my own. I felt your heartache and your struggles and wanted to be the one to take them away. But slowly, you went away. And no amount of nice gestures or heartfelt letters could bring you back.
I spent so much time after you left wondering what I could do to fix it. I told myself it wasn’t my fault. You were just going through a hard time. You needed to figure things out. I gave you your space hoping every day that it would be the day you chose to come back to me.
Then you did.
It was just like old times. We discussed old inside jokes and asked polite questions about each other’s lives. I was so hesitant to talk to you. I wanted to believe that you had changed. I wanted to believe that the spell had been broken. And I wanted to believe that we could go back to the way we were…before.
But that’s the thing about our minds. When we want to believe something bad enough, our minds make it to be true.
I slowly let you in again. It seemed too good to be true. I fell for you all over again…all at once.
Our story felt unfinished. I couldn’t accept that our story might not have a happy ending. I told myself this was just another chapter to make it through. You hadn’t been there for me the way I had been there for you. But I forgave you without an apology. Everyone goes through a hard time and this was yours.
But conversations aren’t monologues, they’re dialogues and you didn’t seem to understand that. I thought you had changed. But it wasn’t you that changed. It was me. It was me, compromising my beliefs and standards.
Life is like that. We all love the wrong person at one time or another. We love that person that loves someone else, or doesn’t love at all. And although we have no say in whether or not we are hurt in this world…we do have some say in who hurts us.
And to you… I say no more.