10 Things That Happen After You Graduate College

1) You will find yourself looking at pictures from yourself freshman year and wonder what the hell happened. Also, you will wonder why you wore your lanyard around your neck for a solid 3 months before wising up.

2)  You will tell someone that you just graduated and they will ask where you’re planning on going to college. No…like, I just graduated college. “Oh…that’s lovely. Congratulations.”

3)  You will have to answer this question at least 5 times a week— “So what’s your plan now?”

4) People will ask you what degree you graduated with and nothing you say will ever be the correct answer. Just say you graduated with debt…then walk away.

5) People will ask you if you’re dating someone. Even if you just told them TWO WEEKS AGO that you’re single…they’ll ask you again and expect a different answer. The clocks ticking people, we’re in our early 20’s. We should be, at the very least, in a serious relationship…right? And if you ARE in a relationship, you better hope you’re planning that engagement.

6)  People will tell you how much you will miss college. Duh. You already miss college. You missed college when you were still in college. You aren’t helping us out by reminding us how dreadful real life is.

7)  Your university will start calling you. The first time you honestly assume they want to check up on you and see how post-college life is going. Then they ask you for money. You quietly hang up and save the number as “Don’t answer if you value your pride.

8)  Prospective jobs will basically offer the most insulting salary + benefits ever knowing that you will take it because it’s not like there’s a ton of jobs around.

9)  You will stop going out because your college I.D. is expired and the bouncers are starting to notice. “Ummm, says here this expired in 2012…” And you sure as hell aren’t paying COVER.

10)  Your first paycheck will seem like so much freaking money…until you open your bills. The insurance company is basically laughing in your face while you slowly write check after check with silent tears.

And… you may or may not find yourself stalking the new freshman tweeting about their first week of college laughing to yourself as you think about how they have no idea what they’re in for.

college

freshman year. note to freshman: don’t make this face in pictures.

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