Expectation: I will get up early and run around my beautiful new apartment complex sweating away the daily stress and confusion of pretending to have my life together.
Reality: Retro MTV is playing reruns of The Hills and Laguna Beach so running can wait.
Expectation: I will cook exotic meals in my lovely kitchen and eat 100% organic and have so much more energy!
Reality: Toast everyday. One time I threw in some cereal.
Expectation: I will throw fabulous parties in my amazing new foyer and drink wine out of my lovely wine glasses.
Reality: I only have Harry Potter cups, and no one can come over on the account of me not wanting to put pants on.
Expectation: I will read exhilarating pieces of literature and expand my brain’s capacity.
Reality: But Catfish is on.
Expectation: I will be out late on Mass Ave and in Broad Ripple sipping an outlandish beverage with my new hip friends.
Reality: I fell asleep on the couch at 9 p.m. with my hand in a bag of PopChips.
Expectation: I will become a strong independent woman.
Reality: Called my brother at midnight because my refrigerator made a weird noise and it may or may not be an intruder or my ice-maker… I DON’T KNOW WHICH.
Expectation: I DON’T NEED A MAN.
Reality: I spent 3 days trying to open a jar of jelly.
Expectation: I will get up earlier and have more time to spend getting ready because I don’t have to share the bathroom or closet with a roommate!
Reality: Spending $5 on dry shampoo because SHOWERING IS HARD.
Expectation: I will finally feel like an adult when living on my own.
Reality: Spend at least 5 minutes a day wondering how I earned a college degree.