A couple of years ago I found myself infatuated with someone. He didn’t live close to me but I could not have cared less. Over months of texts and emails we developed a deep connection. We had long drawn out phone conversations about the future…the future where we always saw ourselves together. We spent hours listening to each other’s thoughts thinking that we were untouchable.
Then one day the calls stopped. The emails stopped. There were no texts. All of our communication was cut off and I was left wondering why. Of course being the person that I am, I asked why. I was never granted a response and I eventually realized I had to move on.
I spent days after this realization staring at myself in the mirror and hearing myself speak wondering what was wrong with me. I replayed every single conversation we had ever had over and over again in my head trying to pin point the exact moment that I had done something wrong.
I never figured out what it was.
Ultimately I realized that I wasn’t to blame. I had made several mistakes in my life and still continue to do so present day- but this wasn’t one of them.
I will never regret putting myself out there and letting someone know how I truly feel about them.
It’s been almost 3 years since this happened. He rarely crosses my mind anymore and I couldn’t tell you the last time I went to sleep with thoughts of him in my head.
I woke up with an obscure message apologizing for the things he did …or in this case- did not do…so long ago.
This chance message left me thinking about whether or not people ever change.
It has been a while, yes. Things have happened in both our lives since we last had contact and I know I have changed in several ways over the years.
But I find myself having no desire to start up a conversation with him again. I have no longing to even hear the apology that I waited years for.
There was a time when I almost dreamt of the day that I would receive that long awaited apology and explanation for why he did what he did.
And now that it’s here, I won’t give it another thought after this post.
So maybe he didn’t really change. Maybe I’m the one who’s changed. Maybe it’s me finally realizing what I deserve.