It’s been about 4 days since I found out about not being able to go to London and…more importantly…about the condition I will have for most of my adult life. In the past couple of days I’ve done just about everything I can think of to keep my web browser from going to that dreaded Google search engine. I don’t want to look at testimonies. I don’t want to read about the small percentage of women who experience relief at some point. I don’t want to read about the effects this has on people’s lives. I just want to accept that I have what I have and it’s not fair, it’s not fun, but it’s reality. And no matter how badly I want to avoid the truth, I can’t.
But one thing that I want to say on behalf of many people who are dealt serious issues…please stop telling me it could be much worse. Please stop patronizing me for feeling the way that I feel. Things in life will always happen to us and we might not always be prepared to handle it the way people think we should. But the point is that I AM handling it…in my own way, in my own time.
Telling me that someone else has it worse than I do not only makes me feel worse, but it makes me feel as if you’re telling me that because I’m not on my death bed… I’m not allowed to be upset about my condition.
I know that there are hundreds and thousands of people in this world that have been dealt terrible situations and that I cannot begin to imagine what they must feel- but that doesn’t make my situation go away. That doesn’t change the fact that I have what I have and I’m a little upset about it.
When life knocks you down it may take a while to get back up. As humans we are programmed to constantly feel emotion. We feel emotion when we wake up with no missed calls or awaiting text messages. We feel emotion when our beloved cat died after just 6 years of life. And we feel emotion often while watching TLC or Lifetime. It’s just a thing that happens and no amount of hoping or wishing will change that.
I know that I will be fine. I know that I have a ton to live for and so much left in front of me.
I know that.
But some days I’m still going to be a little upset and some days I’m not going to know how to deal.
So just let me.