Things I Wish Would Stop Happening

1) People sharing their horoscopes. I’m really confused as to why people think this should be a thing that happens. I don’t want to read a horoscope in general, let alone YOUR personal horoscope. That’s really weird to me. Then, after I read it, I spend the next five minutes asking myself why I read that. If you are into reading horoscopes that’s cool but keep that ish to yourself. Also, remember when they just DECIDED one day to change a bunch of people’s astrological signs? YOU CAN’T JUST DO THAT. Similar to when they decided Pluto was no longer a planet. Whatever.

2) Girls and this “boys with accents” epidemic. Look, I know that guys with an accent (specifically Australian or British or Italian or German or you know, any accent) are pretty swoon worthy. But can we all just take a step back and pull ourselves together and remember that an accent doesn’t translate to prince charming? He’s still being a jerk, it just sounds better because of the accent. DON’T BE FOOLED.

3) Vines… One time I saw a Harry Potter vine. It was cool. I enjoyed it. I’m still waiting to find another vine that I enjoy. Maybe I’m stuck up, maybe I’m hard to please…whatever, I just don’t get it. (view the only acceptable vine here:

4) People and their convertibles driving next to me on a beautiful sunny day with their top up. Why? Can we trade cars? Can I drive your convertible for the day with the top down? Can this happen?

5) People giving me this disapproving look when they ask what I am doing in my future and I finally can say something other than “I don’t know.” LOOK, sorry my answer wasn’t what you wanted. You know what’s cool about my life? You don’t have a say in it. Either support me or don’t talk about it. It’s pretty simple. I don’t give YOU a look for NOT going to London. (Okay, I might have, like, a couple of times. But I’ll stop.)

6) My football professor calling on me when I am clearly staring at the floor because I have no idea what he’s talking about when he says “stomp the bug.” DON’T CALL ME OUT. You know I don’t know and you’re just being mean at this point. Let me live my life.

7)  People telling me that “it’s all downhill from here” in reference to me graduating in 2 weeks. Oh thank you, you’re a real ball of sunshine. You should be a motivational speaker. You’re really sweet.

8) Me having to stop at every Wendy’s I pass in order to purchase a $1.09 chocolate frosty. I wish this would stop happening but I kind of also don’t. Self control…what is that? I don’t know. Four frosty’s so far this week. Four. Love myself and I hate myself.

9) People calling themselves foodies. We literally have to consume some type of food to survive. It’s pretty common to enjoy food. Calling yourself a foodie is really just selling yourself short. What, you’re not interested in anything else besides food? C’mon.

10)  Reality TV. I’m looking at you, Ryan Lochte. GO AWAY. Can we have a show about snow leopards? Maybe a show about sloths? How about a show about someone who is ACTUALLY worth looking up to? Like this girl:



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