Going through a break up is easily one of the most painful processes of life.
It’s a hundred little moments all leading up to the one moment- the one moment that you, or they, or you both decide that just like that- you’re not apart of each other’s lives anymore.
Boom. It’s done.
You suddenly go from being “us” to “me.”
This person that you shared your secrets with. The person you laughed with- is now the one making you hurt. And yet the only person you want to comfort you- is that same person- the one you just ended it with.
There will be moments of relief- you finally don’t have to deal with the strains of that relationship anymore. No more making excuses and putting up with things that you really don’t want to put up with. No more waiting for their call. No more wondering if there’s a hope of a future…
It’s just done. But is it?
Then there are the moments of pain- when you remember that one time they made you laugh until you cried at 3 a.m. You were looking at pictures of cows.
Or there was that other time that they grabbed your hand in the middle of the night and kissed your head when they thought you were asleep.
Or maybe it was when they knew exactly what to say to you when you found out you were having a surgery. “It’s going to be okay. It really is. And even if it’s not, I’m here.”
These wonderful moments somehow overshadow all the times they didn’t call when they said they would, the number of times they chose their friends over you, and the countless times that they made excuses as to why they couldn’t meet your friends or take you out for a nice dinner.
It’s seemingly impossible to remember them in a bad light. They were perfect. They could do no wrong.
Your mind forces you to only remember the defining moments- the moments where you truly fell for them.
You’ll be forced to relive these moments, over and over again, right before you drift off to sleep… only to dream of them.
Then you will wake up in the morning…you’ll check your phone and realize that they once again have made no effort to contact you. No effort to repair this broken relationship.
Now what? How do you move on?
No matter how many times this has happened, the pain is different every time…because they were different, weren’t they? ”It was different this time…”
But the end result is no different. Here you are, alone and bitter, trying to pin point exactly what went wrong…how it can be fixed…
No matter how many times you revisit the breakup- the end result is the same.
Just know- you’re not alone.
One day you will be able to look back on this without your stomach clenching and tears slowly welling up in your eyes.
Until then, hang in there. Take it one day at a time and remember that you will be okay.