Why Life? Why?

I struggle to understand things in life sometimes.

HICCUPS. I hate hiccups. They just come out of nowhere and mine are super loud and weird and then I can’t help but awkwardly laugh after it happens as a sort of apology to every single person around me. I sound like a goat. Or a dying rabbit. Or a capuchin. I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound like Lara. Then everyone is staring at me. Like, EVERYONE GETS HICCUPS OKAY? If you have some way for me to stop this, I’m all ears.

Also, YAWNING. I hate yawning. For 10 years of my life I actually believed that when you yawn it’s because you swallowed a hair because some older girl in preschool told me that, THANKS A LOT. So, yeah, I finally know now that hiccups aren’t because you swallowed a hair but it’s oxygen to your brain or something which still doesn’t make sense to me. I still feel tired after yawning. When people yawn, it’s like their inner beasts are trying to escape for a second. If a guy ever manages to find me attractive after witnessing my yawn, and my hiccups, I’ll get married. That’s my stipulation.

INDIANA WEATHER. What is this? It’s friggin March. We’re all in the mood for Spring. The flowers are pretty much ready to bloom. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, INDIANA. It’s March, not January. Cool it with the freezing rain and snow. Moody as hell.

SHOWERS. I like sometimes enjoy taking a shower. On occasion. But taking a shower everyday is exhausting. I mean, it’s not even the whole showering thing that bothers me. But then my hair is wet. And my makeup is gone. And I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN. And everytime I shave my legs, it just grows back. Whatever, I’m over showering. (I’m still going to shower, most likely)

MARSHMALLOW FLUFF. I don’t see the appeal. I can’t even begin to understand why anyone in their right mind would want to consume marshmallow fluff. The only time I’ll even touch a marshmallow, let alone marshmallow fluff, is if it’s smashed in between graham crackers and melted chocolate. Otherwise, no thanks.

PANTY HOSE. For some reason, putting on panty hose is rather difficult for me. I either 1) fall over 2) rip them 3) put them on backwards or 4) can’t find pairs that fit my long legs. I put panty hose on this morning and it took me a good 10 minutes to get them on after falling over 3 times. The last time I put panty hose on, they were backwards. Whatever.

CHAPPED LIPS. I’ve put chapstick on my lips approximately 78 times today and it’s only 1:30 p.m. What do my lips want from me? Oil? How are they POSSIBLY still chapped? And how does said chapping even occur?

STARBUCKS. I’m pretty into Starbucks because they have free wifi and comfy chairs and I love the color green. But somehow I still haven’t managed to walk into a Starbucks and personalize a drink. I tried to do this on Sunday and ended up with a vanilla latte + caramel + peppermint which = death. It was vile. So vile I couldn’t even pretend to like it. I’m a Starbucks noob.

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I also don’t understand why I never got to meet little creatures like this one. :(

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