Your body just lets you down. It malfunctions. It doesn’t work properly. And no matter how much you wish it were different, it isn’t. You have what you have and there’s literally nothing you can do to change that fact.
It’s an internal illness so no one would know you had it. You try to tell yourself to be strong. It’s always the same things.
“Seriously, man up. What are you doing with your life? DEAL WITH IT.”
“Get over it. It could be so much worse.”
“It’s been months, you shouldn’t have been upset about this at all let alone 5 months later.”
But no matter how many times you tell yourself these things, somehow you still find yourself upset about it on a recurring basis over the course of the week. It’s constantly in the back of your mind. You live your life, you function fine, you do what needs to be done but you know it’s there. This illness is always lingering and haunting you. It’s like this huge secret you carry around because explaining it to people makes it seem like you want sympathy. And even if you did explain it, it still wouldn’t make sense.
You have scars. They’re like invisible scars that only you and your doctors and close friends know exist but the fact that they exist makes you question your self worth. You are constantly wondering how you will be able to maintain the various relationships in your life whether that is platonic, family, or romantic.
And that’s not all you question. You question if you will ever be able to have a “normal” life that so many people seem to enjoy with no repercussions on a daily basis. Suddenly, your dreams and aspirations seem so far away. You limit yourself because your illness limits you.
So, now what?
You were dealt these cards and spending hours upon hours wishing your cards were different isn’t going to make them different. Hating yourself isn’t going to make your body heal itself.
You have to stop blaming yourself.
You have to accept this illness as a part of who you are but realize at the same time that IT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.
I am not my illness.
I am Lara. I have hopes and dreams and I refuse to let this roadblock stand in the way of my destiny.
I have always aspired to carry myself in the most positive way in all that I do because I do not believe that there is any other choice. To view life in a negative light is to not live.
So this is for you- all of you- who have secret struggles and battles with life’s many misfortunes. Hang in there.
It can’t rain forever.