Somehow I Still Don’t Understand A Lot

Febreze commercials– Umm if someone put me in some van with old pizza boxes and socks with a blindfold on then took said blindfold off and I saw all that stuff I wouldn’t laugh. I would be like “bye.” I’m done with you and your experiments, Febreze. We get it. It smells decent. For about 20 minutes. Then it goes away like I wish your commercials would.

People that say they’re “too busy.” Look, I know a lot of people are busy. I get it. Trust me. But don’t come up to me and say you wish you had time to read books or you wish you had time to meet for our group project but you JUST don’t have time. Make time. It’s called time management. It’s a thing you should learn to help you with the rest of your life.

Tanning. (in a salon)Let me just preface by saying that I’m a semi hypocrite as I used to tan a lot when I was 17-20 ish. Then I stopped. You know why? I’ll give you three reasons.

  1. CANCER. Kind of a big deal. I don’t want skin cancer. I’m pretty okay without having that.
  2. WRINKLES. We’re all going to get wrinkles anyway, let’s not make them worse just to look tan in the middle of January in Indiana. That isn’t normal.
  3. MONEY. Tanning costs money. Money that could be spent on new NIKES or Harry Potter paraphernalia or cookies at Subway.

I could go on, trust me. I used tanning as a crutch when I felt self-conscious about my appearance. I’m embracing my natural skin tone now, and you should too.

People that text and drive. I’m not joking. I don’t understand why people do this. When I was 18 I probably did it too. But now I certainly do not ever text and drive. You’re not only putting YOUR life in danger but EVERY OTHER PERSON on the road. I sound like a broken record and/or an AT&T commercial, but seriously… just put the friggin phone down. No one is that important. Probably.

How I’m supposed to care about homework. You know why I can’t find myself to care about homework? Because SLOTHS EXIST. Seriously. And knowing that, and knowing that there are thousands of pictures of these little critters on google images…I just can’t be bothered.

People that yell at foreign people. I know not everyone does this. But I witnessed this yesterday. This man was yelling at these foreign students on campus because apparently he thought they were deaf or something. They aren’t. Yeah, their English may not be perfect and they may not understand when you say “obvi” or “totes” but they’re not deaf. Stop yelling at them and just talk to them like normal human beings because that’s what they are.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB. I watched the Breakfast Club for the first time last week. Everyone always tells me what a “classic” it is. Alright, it may be a classic but I’m just going to go ahead and say it: I hated that movie. I pretty much didn’t enjoy it at all. So these kids from different backgrounds and social groups became friends after spending 8ish hours together and smoking weed together? I don’t know… I just thought it would be a little more groundbreaking than that. I’m sorry if it’s like your favorite movie or something and maybe I’m just not artistic enough to appreciate a “classic” but uhhh… I think I’ll be fine never watching it again. Like, ever.

I also don’t understand Barley… and more specifically the spices aisle in Target. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SPICES? How do you know which one to choose? What if you put too much in? What if you get the wrong spice? What happens? This is why I don’t cook. So bloody complicated.

What don’t YOU understand about life?


because OMG SLOTHS

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