I Don’t Get It.

Girl Scout Cookies. I mean they’re just alright. And that box of cookies is so small. So then you eat the whole thing and feel pretty guilty the rest of the day. And you spent, what, $3.50 on that box when cookies at subway are 3/1$? It just doesn’t add up. Plus you can actually make thin mints with some ritz crackers. This is a true story because I’ve done it before. Plus, I hated girl scouts.

People that argue on Facebook. Oh thank you for arguing with me, I totally agree with you now. Oh wait, no I don’t. Bye. Can’t we all just get along? (we can’t but it’s a nice thought.)

Boy Meets World. I hate it. I’m sorry. I’m not actually sorry, I just really don’t like 90’s TV which is weird I guess considering that I was born in the 90’s and all that jazz. But one time I had to sit in a hospital waiting room for an hour and in that time two episodes of this show played and therefore I associate this show with hospital waiting rooms.

 Oranges. I just don’t think they’re worth all the work. It takes me at least 5 minutes to peel it and then I end up squirting myself in the eye with orange juice at least 3 times and it burns a little bit. Then my hands are sticky.

The whole dog/cat argument thing. Um. It’s alright to like both cats and dogs. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. And just because you like cats doesn’t mean you then, by default, despise all dog owners. I like cats and dogs. It’s pretty possible. They’re both cool for different reasons. AM I RIGHT?

 Komodo Dragons. I actually really hate Komodo dragons. I’ve hated them since I was 12 years old in my 7th grade science class. We watched this horrid documentary about them and they’re just pretty much the definition of jerks. They just go around licking everything with their poisonous tongues and the men pretty much force the women to reproduce and it’s like…what if the women don’t want to reproduce? Whatever, I have yet to discover a positive quality about komodo dragons so if you have one- I’m all ears.

Reese’s Pieces. I am really into reese cups. I mean I could eat one (or more than one) every day and be happy about it. They’re delicious. But reese’s pieces? Gross. What is this invention? Why do they taste so gross? I don’t want anything to do with you, reese’s pieces.

People that hate people that wear leggings as pants. Look, I wear leggings as pants…a lot. I don’t like jeans. They aren’t that comfortable and they’re always cutting into my gut and leggings are comfortable and now they come in all these printed designs. Not to mention, leggings are like 10$ compared to $50+ for jeans. I rest my case. Let me live my life.

People that work at tattoo parlors. I’m sorry that I didn’t know what your “minimum charge” was. I’m sorry that I didn’t know that tattoos couldn’t be that small. I’m sorry that I didn’t know you don’t tip in Australia. That’s why I am here…asking you all these questions. Please stop making me feel more uncomfortable than I already am. You started out with no tattoos at one point too, sir.

People who stand still at concerts. THIS IS ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS. I hope anyway, because you just paid 50$ to see them. Why are you not enjoying yourself? I can’t dance either, it’s fine because no one is even paying attention to your dancing skills. Let loose.


This picture has nothing to do with anything, I just like it.

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